那個手勢，那個高高舉起作勢要賞給我巴掌的手勢，那個常常出現在我記憶的半空中 的手勢，那個每逢過年過節拜拜的時候便燙傷我的心，令我不住流淚的手勢……

它是那年黃曆所謂鬼月某次拜拜的時候出現的。是我父親做出的手勢。就在舊居三合 院的前埕裡。拜拜正在進行。我父親照例喊我過去，把已點燃的香遞給我，要我拜拜。

「拜什麼？拜嘴孔啦！」

那時，我正是會胡亂用筆給張飛的人像加畫眼鏡，給周倉的人像加畫鬍子的年紀，會拿草葉或雞羽毛去撓午睡中的大人的鼻孔，吵醒然後拔腿而逃的年紀， 尤其前幾天才讀過幾篇反迷信的文章，滿心叛逆思想；心中哪會有鬼神的存在？哪會順從地接香拜拜？父親聽罷，立刻高舉起右手，動作極大，聲色俱厲，作勢要賞給我 一個巴掌，卻突然僵在那裡，令我驚訝不已。

後來我才知道，那個手勢，那個作勢要賞給我巴掌的手勢，原來是掙扎在傳統和 現代間的手勢，繫著假權威和真呵護的手勢，猶豫在嚴責和慈愛的手勢，並且也是常 出現在我記憶的半空中的手勢，每逢過年過節的時候便燙傷我的心，令我不住流淚的手勢……。

只是，唉，它的主人呢？它的主人呢？

1997、3、31、台時副刊

The Gesture of the Hand　 Hsu ChiCheng

The gesture of the hand, the gesture, the gesture which lifts on high makes a sign to give me a slap, the gesture which often appears on the sky of my memory, the gesture when kowtow to celebrate the new year or festival of the lunar calendar which burns my mind, make me tearing successively…

It’s appeared one time of kowtow in the so call ghost month of the lunar calendar. It’s the gesture made by my father. It’s in the three-closured yard of my old house. The kowtow is under way. My father ordered me as usual to him, gave me the joss stick, want me to kowtow.

“For what may kowtow? Kowtow for the mouth!”

On that time, I am at the age like to take a pen to add a glass on Zhang Fei’s portrait recklessly, to pain moustaches on Zhou Cang’s portrait, at the age like to take a grass or cow plume to scratch the nostril of the adult who was napping, and then quit at once as he was awakened, especially some days ago I have read some pieces of composition about anti-superstition, rebel thought full within the mind; how can existing of the ghost or the god? How can I submit to receive the joss stick to kowtow? On hearing this word, father lifts on high his right hand immediately, very large in action, severe in voice and countenance, made a sign to give me a slap, but became rigid there, let me got very surprised.

I know later on, the gesture, the gesture which made a sign to give me a slap, originally the gesture struggled between tradition and modern, the gesture tied with false authority and true shield, the gesture hesitate between censure severely and affection, and the gesture often appears on the sky of my memory, the gesture when kowtow to celebrate the new year or festival of the lunar calendar which burns my mind, make me tearing successively…

Just now, ah, where is the holder of it? Where is the holder of it? @*

責任編輯：林芳宇